A cheerful and carefree baby, having matured, turns into an anxious and restless teenager. He avoids what he used to love. And make him go to school miracle. A children’s psychologist warns of typical mistakes that the parents of such children make.
How can parents help? First you understand what to do. Anxiety in adolescents manifests itself the same, but the reaction of the parents differs, depending on the style of education adopted in the family. Here are 5 typical parents’ mistakes.
1. They indulge the teenager’s alarm
Parents regret the child. They want to save him from anxiety. They are trying to do everything possible for this.
- Children stop going to school and switch to remote training.
- Children are afraid to sleep alone. Parents allow them to constantly sleep with them.
- Children are afraid to try something new. Parents do not encourage them to get out of the comfort zone.
Help the child should be balanced. Do not crush, but still call him for attempts to overcome your fears and support him in this. Help your child find ways to cope with attacks of anxiety, encourage his struggle in every possible way.
2. They make a teenager too early to do what he is afraid
This mistake is the exact opposite of the previous. Some parents are too aggressively trying to fight teenage anxiety. It’s hard for them to watch how the child suffers, and they try to make him meet face to face with his fear. Their intentions are the best, but they realize them incorrectly.
Such parents do not understand what anxiety is. They believe that if we make children meet fear face to face, then he will immediately pass. Forcing a teenager to do what he is not ready for, we can only aggravate the problem. The problem requires a balanced approach. Indulgence of fears will not help the teenager, but excessive pressure can also give an unwanted result.
Teach a teenager to overcome small difficulties. Great results consist of small victories.
3. They put pressure on a teenager and try to solve his problems for him
Some parents understand what anxiety is. Understand so well that they are trying to solve the problem for their children. They read books. They are engaged in psychotherapy. Trying the hand of a child along the whole path of struggle.
It is unpleasant to see that the child solves his problems not as fast as you want. It’s a shame when you understand what skills are needed for a child, but he does not use them.
You cannot hold a “battle” for your child. If you are trying to fight stronger than the teenager himself, two problems arise. Firstly, the child begins to hide the alarm, while the opposite should be done. Secondly, it feels an overwhelming load on itself. Some children simply give up their hands.
A teenager must solve his problems himself. You can only help.
4. It seems to them that a teenager manipulates them
I met a lot of parents who were sure that children use anxiety as an excuse to achieve their. They say something like: “He is just lazy to go to school” or “She is not afraid to sleep alone, she just likes to sleep with us”.
Most teenagers are ashamed of their anxiety and are ready for anything you want, just to get rid of the problem.
If it
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seems to you that teenage anxiety is a way of manipulation, you will react with irritation and apply punishment, and both will aggravate fears.
5. They do not understand the essence of anxiety
I often hear from my parents: “I don’t understand why she is afraid of this. Nothing bad happened to her “. Parents are tormented by doubts: “Maybe they are mocking him at school?”,” Maybe she is experiencing a psychological trauma that we do not know about?”. Usually nothing of the kind happens.
The predisposition to anxiety is largely determined by genes and is inherited by inheritance. Such children have prone to anxiety from birth. This does not mean that they cannot learn to fight the problem and win it. This only means that you should not endlessly look for the answer to the question “Why?”. Teenage anxiety is often irrational and not associated with any events.
How to help the child? In many cases, a psychotherapist is needed. And what can parents?